What’s Weird Wednesdays March 30, 2011

Like we needed research to know that Jewel Fish were homos.

What do African Elephants, emus, Plateau Striped Whiptail Lizards, Bluegull Sunfish, dragonflies and humans all have in common? Besides sharing the same planet and other some such sentiments of interconnectivity, all of these species and so many more display evidence of homosexual and/or transgender behavior. There is a list of mammals, birds, fish, reptiles, insects and amphibians that is surprisingly long. And since it has been reported that most research on homosexuality among animals wasn’t really publicly observed until the 90s, the presence of gay animals is incredible. For anyone who may have ever felt isolated by being gay, google gay animals for twenty minutes and see how alone you feel after reading about instances of lifelong female couples of Laysan albatross.

Roy and Silo, two male Chinstrap Penguins, became internationally known when they coupled and later were given an egg that needed hatching and care, which they successfully did

You know how lesbians are sometimes stereotyped as clingy and co-dependent? It ain’t just human ladies, honey. The New York Times reported on the albatross, a bird which can live to be about 60 or 70 and mate with the same partner every year. These birds also displays high rates of homosexuality. “Like when you’re in a couple,” Marlene Zuk, a biologist who has visited the colony, explained. “All those sickening things that couples do that gross out everyone else but the two people in the couple? . . . Birds have the same thing.” I often saw pairs sitting belly to belly, arching their necks and nuzzling together their heads to form a kind of heart shape…

Lindsay C. Young, a biologist who studies the Kaena Point colony, says: “They were supposed to be icons of monogamy: one male and one female. But I wouldn’t assume that what you’re looking at is a male and a female.”

Isn’t that weird?! Listen to this. There is an all-female species of the Whiptail lizard who practice a form of reproduction where growth and development of embryos occurs without fertilization my males. However, simulating mating behavior increases fertility. And since this species is comprised totally of females, that means they’re all creating female friction with each other! The ones who have sexy time are all gay.

Dykes.

The next time you see someone freak out or grimace in disgust when they’re male dog starts trying to get frisky with another male dog, drop some Whiptail lizard knowledge on those squares (even though it is pretty weird when dogs start humping out of nowhere).

What’s Weird Wednesdays March 23, 2011

“So who’s the guy?”

It’s a common scenario. Personally, it usually goes something like this. I’m getting to know a new coworker or a friend of a friend who frequents the same bars and hangouts as I do or some such person with whom I am placed in a parallel relationship on a fairly consistent basis. The possible topics for interaction seem so endless! Yet they are so hard to pin point, grab and throw on the table for discussion. So we go flip through the typical rolodex of safe acquaintance dialogue, choosing topics that say, “I care just enough about you to not be rude.” Where did you say you were from again? Oh, you like that thing? That’s cool. Definitely, yes, I also like music.

What did he just ask? No, now I want to know.

So, as it goes, you either bond with someone to some degree or you don’t. You become great friends who relish in the solace of inside jokes throughout the workday or you at least feel comfortable enough around each other to get drunk and giggle. The alternative, in my case, usually falls into a situation where an ignorant comment or generally unpleasant disposition cranks a lever forward and with a few rude creaks and an insensitive click, the friendship train is derailed until further (unlikely) notice.

Go ahead. You interrupt and ask which one is the guy.

Let’s back up a step or two to before anyone is even thinking about friendship or foe-ship. We’re still on the casual dialogue ship and the customer flow at work is slow, allowing for uninterrupted conversation to delve and little deeper. It comes up that you are not single and that you and your girlfriend have been happily together coming up on eight or so months now (but it feels like so much longer because of how you’re both past-life connected and what not). You’re fielding some pretty innocent questions about you and your girlfriend’s dynamic, which isn’t half bad. It can be kind of nice to recount the inner workings of interpersonal relationships to an unbiased third party. Then you find yourself standing at the foot of a fiery, ignorant mountain as your ears devour the next question. “So who’s the guy?” “Excuse me?” You reply. “Who’s the guy in the relationship? You or her? You know, who wears the pants?” First of all, you both have a really great collection of nice-fitting pants so that’s the source of your first stutter. SECOND, I believe our queen, Ellen Degeneres explained this years ago, the thing about a lesbian couple is that it involves two women. Yes, you usually pick the restaurant but she’s the one you don’t talk back to and live to tell the story. And yes, you’re the one who can change a flat but she hammers the nails and likes to get her hands dirty.

Bottom line: There’s no guy in a lesbian couple. That was weird to ask. You’re new friend is now weird and you’ll never share your snacks and beer ever again.