WWW January 12, 2011

Let’s dive right in. A group of your friends are going to brunch/a bar/anywhere and want you to come along. Of course you’ll go! You haven’t seen that group in forever, and they always have fun. You have on your best outfit (read also: The Well-Dressed Lesbian) and you’re ready to do some serious hanging out as you arrive at your destination. You see your one friend, she’s always happy to see you. And there’s her boyfriend, he’s a pretty nice guy. You see your other friend, things are shaping up to be a good time as her girlfriend comes out of the bathroom and slinks down next to her. There are now two couples and you, great. Oh wait! There’s your fairly good friend with whom you have an ambiguously close relationship with. Fine! Now you have a buddy, so you’re no longer the fifth wheel.

And it isn’t until the adorable waitress who you thought was probably flirting with you asks if you’ll be splitting the checks only three ways that you realize YOU’RE ON AN ASSUMED GROUP DATE! It can happen to anyone. One or more happy couples plus you and your “friend” will spend the time with their arms around each other as you make overtly obvious comments on how you and your friend are not a couple but how funny that you are only with other couples they’re in love we’re so not ew ugh never hahahaha. (sociallyawkwardlesbian.com exists for you. You’re welcome.)We're uh, not, we aren't, uh...oh god. Photo courtesy of FYD

Relax. This could go a number of ways. Maybe you kind of sort of have a small thing for your non date friend. In that situation, it’s always fun to pretend you are, in fact, a couple. You might try the yawn stretch into the arm around the shoulder move. You know, just to break the ice and to show the rest of your party how adorably good humored you are. Or you can take the high road. Please read, not high as in mature but high as in stoned or in other words, ignorant. You might need to avoid the thought at all costs. Go on along with your outing as if it’s weird that other people might assume you belong to a group of couples because what are you, 55? We want the checks split individually, dammit, you’ll say.

Whatever the case, it’s weird to be on a double or group date when you’re not part of a couple and even weirder when you tag along as an assumed couple. Enjoy the ride. I hope you brought your flask.