What’s Weird Wednesday February 9, 2011

It is something so ubiquitous in lesbian culture that it has become a cliché, a built in joke, the stuff of (lesbian web series) sitcoms. It has the potential to affect relationships, sleep and eating patterns and the general functioning of brain rationale. A lot of straight people couldn’t imagine it and most lesbians can’t get away from it. Any ideas yet? I’ll tell you. Its code name is EXGFBFF. Yes, that’s right. Our Weird Wed. feature is one that was bound to come up sooner or later. It is the Ex-Girlfriend Best Friend Forever syndrome.

What? Can't a woman scissor cuddle with another woman in friendship?

I know you know what I’m saying here. Here’s how it starts. There are two girls. They have been seeing one another around town, admiring the color combination of each other’s bikes. They meet at a party and wind up spending the night in a bedroom discussing their eerily intersecting thought patterns and dream sequences. From there they meet up for brunch then a few more lunches then multiple dinners until they are cooking dinner on a nightly basis and picking out names for a joint custody adopted kitten. They find themselves so cute even they can’t stand it. They have a whole bunch of great sex, cook a whole bunch of great vegan meals and take a whole lot of kitten pictures until a whole lot of fighting starts. They begin to find themselves speaking in an arguing tone during totally normal conversations. “I REALLY ENJOYED THAT EPISODE OF GLEE.” “OH YEAH? WELL, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!” “ ….” They’ve forgotten what it’s like not to yell. So, this progresses steadily before they enter into the month long break up process. They break up 5 or 6 times before the last straw is broken and it’s really over.

Prepared to fight for full custody of Dana Fairbanks the cat.

Here’s where it gets weird. They continue to talk regularly, deciding they are definitely better friends then they were lover and thank god for that because HELLO the cat still needs both its moms to be around. They wind up spending a similar amount of time together apart as they did when dating and about half the amount of sex. One or both eventually gets a new girlfriend, both respective girlfriends are either weirded out or have been in the dating game long enough to recognize EXGFBFF as par for the course and handle it as best they can. Ok, I know there are worse things in life then to stay friends with your ex. I’m just a firm believer in a little time apart to make time and room to grow and move on. I suppose we could count our blessings. I have straight friends who have made us walk blocks out of our way to avoid potential run-ins with exes from the very distant past.

What do you think? Tragic or Not so bad?

What's Weird Wednesdays February 2, 2011

Hello! And welcome to the first WWW of the second month of the year. Today’s Weird Wed is brought to you by the recommendation of a fellow OutHaus member. It’s a doozie, so let’s dive right in. Why in the name of weirdness to straight girls with boyfriends think it’s okay to blatantly and shamelessly hit on non straight girls? Don’t get me wrong. We all like attention from time to time (read: all the time) and attention from girls, gay or not is most preferable. And I 100% support non gay and varying degrees of gay girls, but the mixed signals you send out when you whisper questionable things in our ear while holding another dude’s hand are almost too many to sort through. Am I right?

Snap out of this dream sequence. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, ladies.

Just because a girl is a lesbian does not necessarily make her a raging Shane who is secretly plotting to sleep with every girl in the room and their mother. What I mean to say is, a lot of girls assume that a girl’s gay card is handed out grouped together with her aggressive lesbian card. And you know what? They’re absolutely right. However, there is a crucial difference in the way these two cards can be used. The gay card is a flag that will fly high all the time regardless of circumstance. The aggressive card is only to rear its powerful head in the face of undying like. According to the secret lesbian code, the aggressive lesbian card is reserved only in situations in which you absolutely and without a doubt must do anything possible to impress a girl. And this girl who was making out with her boyfriend in the middle of the room five minutes ago and is now trying to get your ass to tell her whether or not her boobs look good in her new bra while your share a bathroom stall she pushed you into is not the situation we are talking about. You’re allowed to think it’s kind of hot but just know that it’s mostly weird!