Weird Wednesdays December 22. 2010

Happy humpin’. It’s Wednesday. It’s also two days before the big X-mas, which for a lot of you means it’s travelling time. Many of you may be making a mild to long ass road trips. Good for you. Can’t you just picture it? You’ve got the windows down, your elbow sticking out as your hand flows to the sweet melodies of Ani Difranco against a sunset back-lit scene of power lines and palm trees. Good for you. Or maybe you don’t have to move but a muscle to smile as your guests arrive. It’s your turn to have people over to your place this year. Congrats and feel free to get as adorably sloppy as you need to. The farthest you need to go to get home is a hop, skip and a stumble into your bedroom from the living room as the last guests leave. (You thought they never would).

Some of us, however, must journey greater distances, travel through climate and time changes, and brave an overly dramatic amount of jetlag. Yes, some of us will have to fly. Personally I am no stranger to this form of travel. One of my parents worked for the airlines, so I’ve been navigating airport terminals and getting an extra bag of peanuts out of flight attendants since I could first wink. I don’t even mind crowded flights or sitting in the middle seat. So what’s weird about flying these days? We all know the answer. We’re bombarded with it from all angled of the media. Airport security is weird. Of course we understand the reasoning behind heightening security, but it’s weird. It feels unfamiliar and obtrusive. It’s weird that we have to choose whether to be scanned, turning the fat, balding men of security into Supermen, complete with x-ray vision or to be felt up by lord knows who. I’m going to go ahead and call this one out, ladies. If you see a sexy butch TSA employee, you go ahead and get that pat down. I’m giving you personal permission to write it off as avoiding radiation.

Weird. What do you think?

What's Weird Wednesdays, Dec 14, 2010

Hey Lesbos. It’s that time of the week again. It’s Wednesday, the middle day. And the middle day, much like the stereotypical middle child, is always seeking attention in new weird ways. Think of Wednesdays personified as Jan Brady.

This Wednesday, do you know what’s weird? Losing your stuff. I just put my keys right here on the key hook, you think to yourself, and do you know where they are? Not here. And although you think your girlfriend’s mismatched socks are adorable and she claims to have coined the odd pairing as her style, we all know the truth. She hasn’t seen the same two kinds of socks since her mother embroidered her initials on the toe in kindergarten. (Just me?)

While it’s fairly normal to misplace items throughout your day to day, it can be frustrating. You feel irresponsible, guilty and slightly disheartened. You look everywhere twice as you pace around your house, spewing a tirade of expletives. Finally, you sit down and take a deep breath before you flick your pointer finger up and smile. The proverbial light bulb bursts with a bing as you run to the refrigerator and swing open the door to find your beloved glasses right next to the OJ where you somehow left them. Phew.

Just remember: when you can’t find your stuff, relax. It’s probably just weird Wednesday. Thursday will have your missing thing. And when all else fails, embrace it. You've been wanting a new phone for a while now anyway.