What’s Weird Wednesday March 2, 2011

The high energy lesbian. God, do we love you, but how could you want to bike ride a 25 mile trail at 7 in the morning after being up until 3am? Do we want to take a road trip across three states and be back in time for dinner? Yes, hypothetically, but No! No, we do not. It’s already noon and I’m comfortable watching internet TV marathons for a little longer until I maybe get the urge to walk the dog around the block.

What do shoo mean shoo don want to ride wiss me on zis motorcycle all over ze place all day?

The high energy lesbian is a fun loving, good time having, pretty damn charming kind of gal. What separates these ladies from the others? There is a part of the brain responsible for communicating to the rest of the body that it is time to sleep. Close to this section is a similar portion whose cranial wrinkles demand coffee in the absence of necessary sleep. You see, if you look at a cross section of this portion of the brain in a high energy lesbian, all you will see is a projection of many dancing women giving you a thumbs up.

We love the guts out of you, you go freaks, but I’m staying in tonight.

Weird Wednesdays December 22. 2010

Happy humpin’. It’s Wednesday. It’s also two days before the big X-mas, which for a lot of you means it’s travelling time. Many of you may be making a mild to long ass road trips. Good for you. Can’t you just picture it? You’ve got the windows down, your elbow sticking out as your hand flows to the sweet melodies of Ani Difranco against a sunset back-lit scene of power lines and palm trees. Good for you. Or maybe you don’t have to move but a muscle to smile as your guests arrive. It’s your turn to have people over to your place this year. Congrats and feel free to get as adorably sloppy as you need to. The farthest you need to go to get home is a hop, skip and a stumble into your bedroom from the living room as the last guests leave. (You thought they never would).

Some of us, however, must journey greater distances, travel through climate and time changes, and brave an overly dramatic amount of jetlag. Yes, some of us will have to fly. Personally I am no stranger to this form of travel. One of my parents worked for the airlines, so I’ve been navigating airport terminals and getting an extra bag of peanuts out of flight attendants since I could first wink. I don’t even mind crowded flights or sitting in the middle seat. So what’s weird about flying these days? We all know the answer. We’re bombarded with it from all angled of the media. Airport security is weird. Of course we understand the reasoning behind heightening security, but it’s weird. It feels unfamiliar and obtrusive. It’s weird that we have to choose whether to be scanned, turning the fat, balding men of security into Supermen, complete with x-ray vision or to be felt up by lord knows who. I’m going to go ahead and call this one out, ladies. If you see a sexy butch TSA employee, you go ahead and get that pat down. I’m giving you personal permission to write it off as avoiding radiation.

Weird. What do you think?