WWW January 12, 2011

Let’s dive right in. A group of your friends are going to brunch/a bar/anywhere and want you to come along. Of course you’ll go! You haven’t seen that group in forever, and they always have fun. You have on your best outfit (read also: The Well-Dressed Lesbian) and you’re ready to do some serious hanging out as you arrive at your destination. You see your one friend, she’s always happy to see you. And there’s her boyfriend, he’s a pretty nice guy. You see your other friend, things are shaping up to be a good time as her girlfriend comes out of the bathroom and slinks down next to her. There are now two couples and you, great. Oh wait! There’s your fairly good friend with whom you have an ambiguously close relationship with. Fine! Now you have a buddy, so you’re no longer the fifth wheel.

And it isn’t until the adorable waitress who you thought was probably flirting with you asks if you’ll be splitting the checks only three ways that you realize YOU’RE ON AN ASSUMED GROUP DATE! It can happen to anyone. One or more happy couples plus you and your “friend” will spend the time with their arms around each other as you make overtly obvious comments on how you and your friend are not a couple but how funny that you are only with other couples they’re in love we’re so not ew ugh never hahahaha. (sociallyawkwardlesbian.com exists for you. You’re welcome.)We're uh, not, we aren't, uh...oh god. Photo courtesy of FYD

Relax. This could go a number of ways. Maybe you kind of sort of have a small thing for your non date friend. In that situation, it’s always fun to pretend you are, in fact, a couple. You might try the yawn stretch into the arm around the shoulder move. You know, just to break the ice and to show the rest of your party how adorably good humored you are. Or you can take the high road. Please read, not high as in mature but high as in stoned or in other words, ignorant. You might need to avoid the thought at all costs. Go on along with your outing as if it’s weird that other people might assume you belong to a group of couples because what are you, 55? We want the checks split individually, dammit, you’ll say.

Whatever the case, it’s weird to be on a double or group date when you’re not part of a couple and even weirder when you tag along as an assumed couple. Enjoy the ride. I hope you brought your flask.

What's Weird Wednesdays January 5, 2011

Getting back into the swing of things is weird.

Greetings from 2011’s first What’s! Weird! Wednesday!

We all celebrated our respective holidays. Many of us used December 31^st to make up for any of the nights we decided not to drink in 2010 and woke up hungover well past midday on January 1^st.

We’ve made solid resolutions to try to be better versions of ourselves, working on things like quitting bad habits or mustering up the strength to form good ones. And now, as January continues onward, the confetti settles and we’re forced to return to that daily grind we had nearly forgotten about. We’re forced to return to doing things like waking up before noon, not watching an entire TV series marathon and, most painful of all, going back to school and work. We were just well-fed and rested. It doesn’t seem fair that responsibilities should return every year. It seems awful and weird. This period of adjustment is the Weird Wednesday of the whole year.

But you know what? In the immortal words of Rosie the Riveter, We Can Do It. We, my fearless readers, have a whole new year to take more risks, make more mistakes and kiss more girls. We all have different hats of responsibility to wear. And, ladies, you look so good in all of them. So put it on, get out there and be the best!

Feminist Lawyer of the Stars Gloria Allred defends Pro Boxer Christy Martin

Gloria Allred is the most famous female attorney in the system today. She’s a lionhearted advocate of victims whose rights have been violated, and she’s not afraid to use the F word, feminist. Her website, gloriaallred.com, describes her this way: “Fearless lawyer, feminist, activist, television and radio commentator, warrior, advocate, and winner – Gloria Allred is all of these things and more. Voted by her peers as one of the best lawyers in America, and described by Timemagazine as ‘one of the nation's most effective advocates of family rights and feminist causes,’ Allred has devoted her career to fighting for civil rights across boundaries of gender, race, age, sexual orientation, and social class.” Think of Gloria Allred as a real life Joyce Wischnia.

In recent news, professional boxer Christy Martin has sought the legal guidance of Allred to press charges of either first or second degree murder against her husband, James Martin. According to police reports, Christy was stabbed and shot in an ambush attack by James after informing him that she would be leaving their marriage for a relationship with another woman, her long time friend and recent lover, Sherry Lusk. 67 year old James Martin reportedly told Christy that his life wasn’t going to last that much longer and if he couldn’t have her, no one could. Reports say James stabbed his wife four times, including once in the thigh when she tried to kick him away after which he knocked her in the head with a pistol, shot her and fled.

Balls, James Martin. You’ve got some brass ones to attack a) your wife, b) a professional boxer and c) to put your own hang ups, as severe as they evidently are, above the desires and needs of another human being. Although this tragic case is nothing unfamiliar to Gloria Allred who has defended clients from OJ Simpson’s ex-wife to some of Tiger Woods’ mistresses, it certainly should be a call to arms to all of us. We are still living in a society in which people are still living in fear and extreme repression because of who they love. It’s all very bass ackwards. Out of this deplorable situation, however, arises a role model we can be proud of. She’s incredibly intelligent and resilient, she’s a proudly outspoken feminist and she’s got our backs. Today’s kudos go to Gloria Allred. Thank you for continuing to fight the good fight.

More news to come on the Christy Martin case.